My book boyfriend is a murderous anti-hero with very questionable morals
– and I’m okay with that.

If you’re paying attention to me online (and why wouldn’t you be?) you’ll probably have noticed that I’m a teeny bit obsessed with Leigh Bardugo’s Six of Crows. And if you hadn’t been paying attention, well, there you go. I’m obsessed with that book. Just a little bit.

My obsession stems mostly stems from how much I love the characters in this story. They’re all so dynamic and endearing, and I just have SO MANY FEELINGS for all of them. Inej and Kaz are my all-time favorites. I want to bundle them up and put them into a pillow fort where I can protect their poor traumatized selves.

Speaking of Kaz…

(You guys know what I’m getting at. Don’t play dumb)

At some point in the two times I read this book (shut up), Kaz Brekker somehow became my book boyfriend. If you’ve read the book, you’ll know that my crush on him is both understandable and slightly problematic.

Let me paint you a picture:

His name is Kaz “Dirtyhands” Brekker, a thief and gang leader in the dark, wet city of Ketterdam. His body is covered in scars from street fights, his eyes are the near-black of bitter coffee, and his hair is fabulous. He stands ramrod straight, the sides of his mouth quirked ever so slightly into a knowing, secretive smile. His name tastes like danger on the tongues of those who speak it, but girls can’t help but track him with their eyes when he’s in the room. He’s mystery; sharp and deadly – the kind of beauty you can’t help but want to look at. But he’s cutthroat and manipulative, and his morals ? ?????

They’re, um, questionable. I mean, I’m sure he has them. They’re just… not very noticeable.


Let me make something perfectly clear – I love anti-heroes, always have. And not just any anti-hero. Not the slightly-flawed-hero “anti-heroes”,  but the kind of anti-hero that has an extreme capacity for good, but with cloudy morals. I love an anti-hero who tries to do right, but isn’t afraid to be selfish. Or an anti-hero whose world-view is in every shade of gray imaginable – an anti-hero who’s idea of “good” isn’t necessarily the same as yours or mine. That‘s my anti-hero.

Which is why, growing up, I’ve unconditionally loved characters like Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Deadpool, Mal Reynolds, and Wolverine* (he’s constantly murdering people, guys) . It’s why I later went on to love Meda Melange, Dexter Morgan (before the show became weird, thank you very much), Bartimaeus the Djinn, Frank Castle, and, of course, Kaz “Dirtyhands” Brekker.

Like Inej, I firmly believe Kaz has a great capacity for good. Sure, he has a terrible temper. Sure he murders people when they hurt the ones he cares about (see? Good!) and sure he’ll do just about anything to get what he wants – murder, extortion, convoluted cons, and brutal beatings. He’s called Dirtyhands for a reason. But there’s goodness driving him, if only you’re willing to see past the layers of blood and soot.

Kaz has been through some really awful crap as a kid, and it’s left him incredibly traumatized and fragile. And like the flawed human being that he is, Kaz chose to deal with his trauma by steeling his heart and setting his sights on revenge. And so he became a thief and a gang leader, all in the hopes that he’d one day gain enough power to kill his mortal enemy.

Stories like this just warm the cockles of my heart, you know? I just want to spend my days feeding Kaz hot chocolate and marshmallows. No joke.

I do not care that his morals are practically non-existent. I don’t care that he’s emotionally constipated to the point where he desperately needs a red, cartoon, elephant to shake some sense into him. I don’t care that he could probably kill a man with one twack of his cane. THAT’S ALL PART OF THE APPEAL.

I just… I just have a lot of feelings for Kaz Brekker. Okay?

I’m going to end this post now. I’m not quite sure why I even decided to write this in the first place. All I know is that I wanted to try something new here on the blog, and this was the first topic that came to mind. Clearly, I need to start thinking things through.

Sigh. I promise that these will get a lot more sensible in the future. In the mean time, I want to know about YOUR book boyfriend/girlfriend/non-binary partner. Do you have one? Do you have a hundred? Tell me about them. I’d love to know.

Thanks for reading. Here’s a drawing of Kaz for your trouble.

Me: *Draws all the SoC fanart*


*I originally wanted to add my sweetie pie Matt Murdock to this list, but I wasn’t too sure about whether he counted or not. Great capacity for good? Yes. Questionable morals? Yes. Kills people? Sometimes, yes. Idk, I just didn’t want to end up arguing with anyone who thought I was high on froot loops.


  1. dashcooray says:

    Kaz, my precious peanut roll! ❤ I have no qualms about loving anti-heroes with every fibre of my being. It's always better to love them in my books than irl, s'all I'm sayin' 😉


  2. Security Guard says:

    Like you, I am also a fan of anti-heroes.

    Now, let us figure out what makes them so appealing. By the way, I am a huge fan of Jack Reacher, the protagonist of Lee Child’s novels.

    Here’s an excerpt from a blog post I wrote, comparing anti-heroes and goody-two-shoes heroes. Here’s the relevant bit that contributes to this discussion.

    “In most Japanese anime/drama/manga, the good guys never kill. And the bad guys are those who do. Whatever their reasons may be. I just finished watching an episode of Kindaichi where the “villain”, and I am reluctant to call him one, killed off the people responsible for trapping his father and himself in a cave for 12 years. Of course, his elderly father died during the early days of their confinement and the boy had to live on rats and water. For 12 years.

    I thought his revenge was well justified. And too tame since the culprits were killed rather quickly without time to truly repent for their past misdeed. But since this drama had to fit in with Japanese ideas about crime and punishment, the righteous avenger became the “villain” and quietly surrendered to the cops in order to repay his “debts” to society.

    I couldn’t help wondering. What debts?”

    So yeah, before finding Reacher, I was so so tired of not seeing justice done properly.

    We can also take a look at the real world. Where weak people are sometimes harassed by criminal elements and the police does little to assist them. Some women committed suicide after their rapists were acquitted by the courts. Some men killed themselves because they couldn’t pay off crippling debts to greedy loan sharks.

    In those cases, the Law and Order that we know of, the kind that has to follow rules and regulations, looks as helpless as a newborn babe in the wild wild woods.

    And that’s why Reacher’s personal brand of justice looks so appealing. Because he steps in and takes over where the usual kind of Law and Order cannot reach. Dirty cops, corrupt army officers and violent criminals who would have evaded justice under normal circumstances. They were all done in by Reacher.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s